i was 15 at the thyme. the pews were packed as usual. the preacher’s hair did not move no matter how hard he shook his head and waved his hands to prove his pious point. he had perfect preacher hair + he had bright lights shining down on his exalted face. AND he had a pretty stage. this man was important. i believed every word he said. when someone talks with authority when you’re a dumbass kid like i was, you tend to believe every word they say.

every word.

surely they are not telling lies. surely these people can be trusted.

i have no idea on this particular sunday what topic he was preaching about. it was most likely something along the lines of how secular music can open your mind to demonic influences. Or how he would rather be scared into heaven than burn in hell. Or how gay people have an agenda to make other people gay. Or how the new age movement had an agenda to creep in and possess our minds.

so that was me at 15.

sitting on a pew.

absorbing this.

believing this.

accepting this.

my son recently asked me if i have ever had any paranormal experiences. i had to tell him the truth. i had 2 paranormal experiences and they both happened at church.

they both happened the same way. the pews were packed as usual. the preacher’s hair did not move no matter how hard he shook his head and waved his hands to prove his pious point.  everyone was focused on what he was saying. it was almost a typical sunday.

almost.

in the seat where i sat the room grew dim. i looked around to see if anyone else had noticed the shift in lighting. obviously it was just me. i began to feel an eerie presence engulf me. i could not see it, but i could feel it. it started at the top of my head and it quickly moved down my legs. i was now paralyzed. i could no longer hear anything the preacher was saying or the “amens” from the people around me. i could only feel my heart racing and my palms sweating. i couldn’t move. i was terrified. what is this thing that is on me? do i have demon? am i being possessed? am i being possessed in the middle of a church service? am i going to levitate and fly into the preacher and mess up his perfect preacher hair? the only thing i had was my mind. i couldn’t move, but i could think. in my mind, i told myself that i was protected and safe. that’s when the thing finally left. my hearing came back. i could move my legs. my heartbeat soften. i was back to being just a normal church face in the crowd.

when i was a dumbass kid, i reasoned like a dumbass kid. in my mind, this creepy thing that had happened was probably from something i had done. it couldn’t possibly be the preacher. it couldn’t possibly be the church. it was totally me.  i was sure of it.

i wish i could go back in thyme and have conversations with my younger self. i would tell her that she is sensitive to the energy around her and to trust herself because she is gifted. i would tell her that she was obviously in an unhealthy, low vibration setting that was created long before she ever sat on that pew. i would tell her that where there is fear, control and manipulation, she would never feel at home. and i would tell her, not feeling at home in a setting like that is a GOOD thing. i would also tell her to blog about it.

~S~ xxoo

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