coming out

i’ve always known since i was a stringy-headed knobbed knee little girl that there was something or someone spectacular guiding my life. every little unknown childish step was wisely and patiently being guided. directing my eyes toward the ground where i would pick up that one special leaf. directing my eyes to notice that one piece of gravel that didn’t look like typical driveway gravel. no, this gravel had that one side that sparkled when the sunlight hit it just right. in my mind, it was no longer gravel. it would now become a magic rock. my very own magic rock. with my magic rock in one dirty impish hand and my special leaf in the other, i felt like i was on to something. like a hidden truth. a mystery that i would strive to unlock for the rest of my days. I was 10.

i’m now making home in my 40’s. i still have knobby knees and stringy hair most day. i have earned some wisdom lines around my eyes. and yes, they are still childishly wide open with wonder. My nature walks are still just as enchanted. I am still looking for magic rocks, feathers, shells and leaves. i am still striving to unlock the mysteries of my life. my journey has taken me all over the place. i spent many years trying to conform to organized religion thinking this was the way to god. it had the appearance of genuine spirituality, but denied the power to truly connect me to my source. too many strings attached, too many opinions, too many contradictions. but something as simple and soothing as disconnecting from the noise and the opinions of others, and just sitting on the ground, and breathing in and out, did my soul some serious good. here it is nature again, gently wooing me. my guides, my angels, my faeries, my entire unseen holistic team, wooing me out off the confusion and into nature, into my element, where i can just be me.